Sin
Sin - identifying, does it lead to death or life, separation or community, does it come from fear or hope, seeking from something else what you should find in God, detachment (using as though didn’t use).
Walking With Sinners
Repentance. Discipline in regularly committing not to sin.
Dealing with recurring sin. Being mastered.
The Lord your God will clear away these nations before you little by little; you will not be able to put an end to them quickly, for the wild beasts would grow too numerous for you.1
Then it goes and takes along with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there; and the last state of that man becomes worse than the first.2
God, thankfully, does not deal with our brokenness all at once. He works gradually. Not just with our sin, but in every area of our lives.
The younger men you serve are sinners, like you. God will deal with their sins as He conforms them into the image of His Son. There are times when you are supposed to be the “voice behind them saying, ‘this is the way, walk in it’”3. But there are also times when you should be patient, and quiet and “walk in the way” yourself. Porn is not always the highest priority. Look and listen for where God is working and join Him there. You are not responsible for calling them out every time they make a dirty joke or curse or lust or act disrespectfully. Not calling them out is not the same as condoning their behavior, and they know that.
If you see a pattern of sinful behavior, and have confirmation from the Spirit that it’s time to address that behavior, then I suggest starting the conversation by talking about that sin in your own life. Often, sharing your own struggle is enough to prompt them to acknowledge the sin in their own lives; however, sometimes they need more direct engagement.
You cannot convict of sin. You cannot humble them before God. You cannot empower their soul to resist their flesh. You can identify a sin. You can discuss how your sin has brought death into your life and the lives of those around you, and by extension how their sin is as well. You can point them to Christ as the one who not only restores us to God but changes us into saints worthy of God. You can confirm that God’s love and acceptance remains on them, that you are not disappointed in them or ashamed of them.
You can offer to hold them accountable. But you cannot force that. And you should make it clear that they are in control. You will back off if they ask you to.
Rules
Be hesitant to offer solutions or rules for living in order to avoid the sin. Concrete rules for behavioral modification “have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.”4 Rather, encourage them to “set [their] minds on the things above”5, to recommit to the spiritual disciplines that tune their souls to God and stir up their affections for Christ. Encountering God changes us, elevates us. Rules make us rule-breakers. Rules fail to acknowledge the power of sin. Rules fail to acknowledge the holiness of God. Rules take our attention off of Christ.
At the same time, repentance requires that we turn from sin and Christ calls us to cut off the hand that sins6. Sin (and the rest of our brokenness) flows out of lies that we cling to regarding God, ourselves and others. The work we do to fight sin is not to devise new rules to govern our behavior, but rather to discover and acknowledge the lies we tell ourselves, and replace those lies with Biblical truths. When we dwell on the truth, our understanding of God grows, which grows our love for God, which transforms our souls and empowers obedience. Walk through that process with your guys. Help them identify the lies they believe. Point them to truths in the Word of God. Help them develop the spiritual discipline of dwelling on the Word of God.
Complexity
Solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.7
Identifying right and wrong requires discernment, sensitivity to the Spirit, experience, and a thorough understanding of both your own identity and the character of God. Not only have our senses of justice and morality been corrupted by the fall, but reality is complex.
Much of Christian culture tends to simplify questions of morality. Perhaps in response to the moral relativism of post-modern thought, Christian ethicists tend to present a morality of hard lines between black and white, free from exercises of judgment. They err on the side of caution, declaring potentially permitted behavior to be sin. They fence the Law. “The Law is good, if one uses it lawfully.”8 Fencing the Law is harmful. There is a reason a curse lies upon those who would add to the Law. The Law is an expression of God’s character, an explanation through examples and principles of who God is, who our neighbor is, and what it means to love God and love our neighbor. Far from prohibiting us pleasure – do not touch, do not taste – the Law is designed to bring life, to protect us from those things which would harm us, and lead us to Him who satisfies our souls. Prohibiting what has been permitted, replacing the complexities of life with a simplistic morality, denies us life and distorts the image of God in the Law.
So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days.9
Some examples of “grey areas” that come up with younger men. Is drinking alcoholic beverages a sin? If not, where is the line between enjoyment and drunkenness? How do you learn to drink in moderation? Is drinking a sin while I am a minor? Speeding – submitting to the laws of the land. Gluttony – when have I exceeded “eating like a teenager”?
Two obvious, big areas are lust and girlfriends. Sin often works by twisting a natural desire to excess. Sexual desire is natural and healthy. It is unfortunate that our current culture continues to delay marriage till later in life. You should walk through these things with your guys. Their bodies are flooded with hormones, their media is filled with erotic images. Is there a distinction between sinful lust and healthy sexual fantasy? Are there any healthy outlets for these desires before marriage, and, if so, how can I explore those in a way that brings life? How ought I deal with a mind that has become polluted by or addicted to pornography? What does a healthy physical relationship with my girlfriend look like? How do I fix this unhealthy physical relationship? Won’t it be easier to fix my addiction to pornography after I’m married? How is wrestling with these things now preparing me for better marriage later? It’s a good thing you have clear and life-giving answers to these questions, because the younger men you serve need those answers, and so do I.
We should fear God, not sin. The fear of sin leads to legalistic rule-making and breaking – avoiding life for fear of irreparable failure. The fear of God mixed with faith in Christ leads us to trust that God, and His Law, is for us and our good, and that He will redeem our failures.