Authority
Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture…I will gather the remnant of my flock from all the lands where I have banished them…I will raise up shepherds over them who will shepherd them.1
World domination is not in itself evil. Jesus is pursuing it. Hitler didn’t compare himself to Hitler – presumably he didn’t consider his actions evil. In parenting, as in world domination, it matters who is doing the dominating and what methods they use. All people live within webs of authorities. They are part of those overlapping layers of authorities. Parents are an authority, though not the only authority, in the lives of their children. The power of an authority can be misused, abused. An authority may immorally fail to use their power to fulfill their responsibilities. An authority may immorally exceed their mandate, using their power to take from those they were assigned to serve.
See Thee Beneath God
There is no authority except from God and those that exist are established by God.2
Authority is always derived. It is given by a higher authority in conjunction with an assignment / responsibility. In other words, authority is always a stewardship. Every thing, every person, every right, every power always only belongs to the king. The cattle on a thousand hills are mine. The king may choose to accomplish his purposes by delegating, but that grant of authority is a stewardship. One consequence: your authority as a parent does not derive from having birthed your child – I brought you into this world, and I can take you back out.
Pagans cannot have assignments / stewardship / authority / dominion because they are rebels against the king. So no authority over their kids. But it’s all God’s stuff, so even pagans are implicitly stewards of what they have been given. Pagan kings are established by God – all authorities are established by God. Deut 2:9 – Don’t bother the Maobites for I have given them Ar as their property.
So that you may learn not to exceed what is written.3
Honor your father and mother
Honor your father and mother. But also if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother he cannot be my disciple.
If kids are people and parents are authorities (all authority is established by God), then what are the limits, responsibilities and roles of any legitimate authority. Enter into the joy of your Master - to equip those served to flourish.
Authority is always limited, derived. Questions of parental roles/authority inherently intersect with questions of civil/legal/social/organizational authority. Submit to authorities as agents of God. This is circular. Should authorities look to God as a model for how to discipline, or are the authorities God’s method of discipline and so they are ultimately looking at themselves?
Contrast the authority that: 1) requires seatbelts, 2) prohibits hidden fees, 3) helicopter parenting….
Good kings
To bring shalom and teeming life (which may sometimes feel chaotic) to his dominion. To equip and empower others with dominion, invite others to rule over their own dominion or subdomain. Work is a gift – chores are not training or practice for being an adult, they are not an excuse to teach about money. Chores are an exercise in dominion – let them rule over the trash in the cans, and the toilets, and every sock under the bed.
- Responsibilities of all authorities.
- Conflicting responsibilities: Good king seeks the flourishing of his subjects. But good king must also send subjects to die in war, punish subjects for breaking peace. Behold I send you out as sheep amidst the wolves. Standing as Steven is martyred.
Owe duties of provision and protection. Those being led cannot teem with life if they don’t have the necessities of life or if they are harrowed be enemies. Leaders take the hits. A king who only taxes, who only takes but never gives is not a king but a bully.
Use of force
Force is any action you take with the aim of provoking an action from an other that they did not freely choose.
Cannot trick into being wise or beat into being kind or punish into being self-disciplined. Cannot convince to be compassionate or persuade to be persevering.
Provision and Protection. Love is not contingent.
Cannot be to ensure that they never experience loss or pain or want or discomfort. Always happy, always watched, always given desires. Never pushed, never asked to serve, never asked to sacrifice, never struggle, never expected to grow.
Must grow as they grow. Can’t have a philosophy that uses a 5 year old as a static model.
The one who does the Lord’s business deceitfully is cursed.4
Daniel vs Nebechadnezzer – when I attempt to take from them their autonomy, I face judgment for my wrong, and they face judgment for wrongly submitting – better to be cast to the lions than bow the knee.
do parents have responsibilities beyond an authority generally
Parents are not the final authority. They are an authority. Their authority is broader than most. But it is limited. Communities (church and secular) have obligations to oversee parents as persons and as parents, and they have obligations to oversee the children as persons both in conjunction with and independent of the parents. The child himself has authorities over himself that limit parents. Moral obligations impose limits on communities, parents and children. Not a hierarchy of authorities, but messy overlapping webs. The family is not above the community or the individual. They all exist at the same level. They are all created by, overseen by and grown by the others. The church is not subservient to the parents.
The misunderstanding that makes parental authority absolute appears to grow out of a misunderstanding that grounds God’s authority in creation. The argument goes that God has authority because He created. And so parent’s have authority because they created. But God’s authority can’t derive from creation because creation itself is an act of authority - He commanded all into existence (except for man who was “formed” – does this suggest something about how man must choose to submit whereas the rest of creation is bound). Principalities and powers. Angelic watchers. Sacrifice of Isaac. Sons of Levi post passover.
Force use by authority generally: Authorities are only “authorized” to use force against another person under their authority in order to:
- Authorities are “authorized” to use force. But they should strive to use the least force necessary. Not only because force is a violation of the personhood of the one being ruled, but also because a good authority cannot accomplish most of their purposes through force – force as a tool is limited in its abilities.
- Any imposition of my will on someone else’s will is an act of violence. Legitimate violence is still violence. Authorized violence is still violence. Well-intentioned violence is still violence. If I trick someone or manipulate their circumstances or limit their knowledge in order to position them to “choose” what I want them to choose, then I have violated them. I have taken from them – taken their dignity, taken their autonomy. I have used them as an end, as an object, as a tool. I have treated them as less than a person. You cannot help free an other person without allowing them to choose against you.
- An authority not using force communicates as much as time that force is used. Skyfall – Every now and then a trigger has to be pulled. Or not pulled. It’s hard to know which in your pajamas.
- Prevent a behavior that puts them at risk of physical harm, when the ratio of higher harm to smaller cost/force is too high, or they are not equipped to appreciate and mitigate the risks and bear the costs of injury. Ought to be paired with equippin
- Prevent behavior that imposes risks or costs on others, scaling up the force allowed with the costs. Included in this is compelling conformance to the group norms, as breaking from those norms imposes costs on others.
- Preference is always for least force necessary because all use of force violates the person, it is a taking, a violence
- Cannot use force to compel belief or character – to assert a soul is to assert a disconnect between external material cause/effect, and the internal spiritual being.
- Cannot command respect, but can command respectfulness, respectful behavior.
- Any philosophy of parenting must account for the rebellious
child, for the careless child, for the naive child – there are
always times when some form of force will be required:
- touching a hot stove
- biting a sibling
- running into street
- eating a whole container of tomatos
- hurt or sick
- instruction -> No, I hate you, No, No, No, Mine Mine Mine
Parents bear the sword. Rom 13, and Deut 21:18-21. But that does not mean that they won’t be held accountable for how they wielded their sword.
How you play is what you win 5. Even in an unjust war, how you fight matters. Your children may grow into flourishing, healthy adults, and you must still stand before the seat of Judgment and give an account for the methods you used while parenting.
Not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 1 Peter 5:3
“By what a man is overcome, but that he is enslaved.” 2 Peter 2:19. The word translated “overcome” is used again in v 20 - having escaped the world’s impurity they are again entangled in these things and overcome. The Greek word is connected to the word for “worse”. We would say in English he lost, he was bested, he was defeated. The Greek is something like he was worsted, he was made lesser, he was conquered. Almost as though in English we are celebrating the victor, here’s your prize. But the emphasis of this Greek is on the loser – you are now below me, get down on your hands and knees in front of my throne and let me use your back as a foot rest. Peter is using this language to talk about the way sin treats us - it conquers us, enslaves us, makes us lesser. But I was thinking about how that’s the same model we generally have for anyone in authority. The police officer kneeling on the neck of the ruled. That an authority is someone who is over others, and the purpose of authority is to control those who are below them.
it is terrifying to be unable to find one adult who can earn your respect. – Dobson