Discipleship Generally
Terminology
Go therefore and make disciples.1
Some call the process “discipleship”. Others call it “mentoring”. Some prefer to retain the terms “discipleship” and “disciple making” for their missional connotations – the process of leading someone to “confess with their mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in their hearts that God has raised Him from the dead.”2 They therefore prefer to use the term “mentoring” to refer to the process of building up of confessing Christians “to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.”3 I understand the historical context of discipleship/mentoring to flow out the Jewish practice of discipleship. And I understand Jesus’ command to “make disciples” to include the work that follows saving faith.
Historical Context
There are several examples of discipling in Scripture. Every healthy follower of Christ should have some one or three people above them (discipling them), some one or three people beside them (walking with them), and some one or several people below them (whom they are discipling). Paul was discipled by Gameliel4 and then by Christ Himself,5 he had men like Peter beside him,6 and men like Timothy and Titus below him. Moses had Jethro above him,7 Aaron beside him,8 and Joshua below him.9
By the time Jesus was walking on the Earth, a tradition of discipleship had been established within Judaism. As I understand it10, around the time of Christ, there were a handful of men at any one time who were called “Rabbi” (teacher). This title was conferred upon a man when at least three other rabbis had examined him and agreed together to grant him the title. Along with the title came the authority to offer new understandings of the Law. A rabbi’s understanding of the Law was called their “yoke”.11
Jewish children would study the Torah, indeed memorize it. At a young age, they would be tested and those who excelled would continue in their study/memorization of the rest of what we know as the Old Testament. They would again be tested around the age of 12. If they excelled, they would go out and find a rabbi to follow. Having picked a rabbi, they would follow the rabbi for a while, learning from him, and then ask that rabbi to let them become his disciples. The rabbi would then interrogate them. If the rabbi found them wanting, he would send them away, “Go and be a fisherman.” If the rabbi found them worthy, then they would become his disciples.12
As disciples, they would follow their rabbi everywhere, learn everything from him, and would do so for years. How does my rabbi talk to women? How does my rabbi dress in the morning? How does my rabbi understand the soteriological implications of the sacrifice of Isaac? Their rabbi would have many public responsibilities – he served as an itinerant preacher and judge — and his disciples would sit under him as he preached to “the crowds”. But his disciples would also be given special instruction, private talks as they walked along the road.13
The goal of discipleship is for the disciple to become like their rabbi.14 To look like him, to sound like him, to walk with God like him, to know God as he knows God, and then ultimately to become a rabbi like him and train up disciples of their own.
When Christ calls us to be His disciples He is calling us to a lifetime of following Him, learning from Him, becoming like Him. And serving others as they do the same.
Whose Disciples
Jesus is our rabbi and we are following Him as His disciples, yet we are called to make disciples. The disciples that we make are in some sense both our disciples and Christ’s.
Join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.15
The things which you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things.16
You also became imitators of us and of the Lord … so that you became an example to all believers.17
I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me. For this reason I have sent you Timothy, who is my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, and he will remind you of my ways which are in Christ, just as I teach everywhere in every church.18
Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.19
But [be] imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.20
Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.21
But do not be called ‘Rabbi’, for One is your Teacher and you are all brothers.22
To the extent that you are living a life worthy of imitation and are calling others to imitate you as you imitate Christ, you have disciples. But Jesus is the only Rabbi. As with much of Judaism, Jesus both adopts, practices and commands the tradition of disciple-making, and yet also fulfills the tradition in such a way that He is the center and source of the Christian expression of what was originally a Jewish practice.
Importance of the independence of the discipler. Define discipler and disciple. The discipler needs to walk with Jesus and others, but they are the ones walking with their disciples, not some overseer or even parent. They should be free to handle things as they think best, allowed to mess up. Walking with a discipler is helping them fix their own thinking, not getting into the middle of the discipleship relationship.
Rabbinical Authority: granted by God and community - to tell what is right and wrong, to judge the Law.
Discipler authority. Granted by disciple - to be heard and seen.
Imitation
The core method in the Jewish practice of discipleship is imitation. Scripture makes it clear that imitation remains a crucial part of Christian discipleship23.
Discipling others requires that you live worthy of imitation. You are calling your guys to follow you as you follow Christ. You need to fill your life with the disciplines that will keep you close to Christ, that stir up your affections for Christ, that enable you to encounter Christ and be transformed into His image. You need men above you, watching over you, encouraging these disciplines in you.
Your guys must be allowed to see your life. They need to see you live, see you struggle, doubt, sin, repent. They need to see you live with your wife. How do you tell her that you love her? Do you argue? How do you deal with that? They need to see you with your kids. How do you think about disciplining them? Do you enjoy playing with them? What are your hopes and fears for them? They need to see you interact with other men. How do you talk to them? How do you shake hands? How do you joke with them? They need to see you relate to women. Do you hold the door? Do you let your eyes linger? Do you go out of your way to help a woman change a flat? They need to see you grow with God and fail with God and walk with God.
They will see more than you know without you doing anything intentional. But you must be intentional about sharing your life with them. When the sermon convicts you of a sin you need to deal with, tell your guys about it. What did that conviction feel like? How did you know it was from God? How did you repent? What will be different? How can they pray for you? Who above/beside you did you talk about it with and how are they holding you accountable? Tell them about what you are reading in your time with God, and what He is teaching you. Tell them stories about when you were younger. Tell them about when you messed up and what happened. Tell them how God has been faithful. Tell them when God feels far away and what you are doing in response. Tell them when He is close and what He is doing in your life.
personal, not curriculum.
Jesus teaches – taught of God, No man shall tell his neighbor.
Do not be called Rabbi, for One is your Master, even Christ. Imitation is the core method of discipleship. The disciple’s becoming like their Rabbi is the core purpose of discipleship. Jesus is the Rabbi. The disciple imitates the discipler who imitates Jesus. The disciple grows into the maturity of Christ-likeness. Calling a disciple to growing imitation requires growing transparency on the part of the discipler – you must be able to see that which you are asked to become like.
Jesus’ command to “make disciples” encompasses more than, is broader than, the methods and purposes of Christian discipleship. We make disciples by using our personal gifts from the Spirit to serve and grow the Church in the ways we have been individually assigned by Jesus.
Christian discipleship is an evolution of the Jewish tradition of Rabbinical education in the light of Jesus’ work, power and authority. A mature Christian disciples younger Christians by walking with them while they both walk with Jesus. The discipler invites the disciple to see and share in their life, and calls the disciple to imitate him as he imitates Christ. The discipler teaches the disciple the disciplines upon which growth toward spiritual maturity is founded, and offers patient, wise counsel as the disciple follows Jesus to an independent faith, which the disciple holds as his own before the God he intimately knows.
Christian discipleship is inherently personal and relational, not a program or a curriculum. Disciplers and disciples are people. They have particular and personal gifts, strengths, weaknesses, histories, brokenesses, scars. They have particular and personal walks with Jesus.
Jewish roots: rabbi and disciples. More than students. Imitation - student becomes like master. Authority to offer new interpretations. Voluntary association of disciples.
Goals
The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.24
The purpose of establishing a discipleship relationship is to build up younger men to maturity for their good (that they may live satisfying lives worthy of God), for the good of the Church25, and so that they can go out and disciple others. The younger men you serve ought to understand that this is the goal. They should be invited to begin the process of taking on younger men below them when you see they are ready and certainly before you are “finished with them.” [EDIT - One of the goals of student ministry is that the saved students would pour into the lost students around them.]
I have called you friends. (John 15:15).
The mentoring relationship is complete when you elevate the younger man you have served from a man below you into whom you are pouring, to a man beside you with whom you walk.
If I’m successful, then they don’t need me or rely on me. They have become like me and go off to grow on their own.
We are responsible for working, God causes the growth. We are not responsible for the fruit of our labor. We are responsible to labor and labor well. This gives freedom. Especially since God is for us. 1 Cor 3. Jeremiah 42:7 - stands before God, delivers words knowing they will be rejecting, promised from the beginning that his ministry will not bear any fruit.
Prerequisites
An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity.26
You do not need to be specially called to be a mentor. Scripture provides enough guidance to establish mentoring as a general call on the Christian’s life.27 Some might be gifted to mentor or gifted to work with younger men, in which case the presence of the gift signifies a special calling.28
If mentoring requires calling a younger man to imitate you as you imitate Christ, then you must be imitating Christ, you must be living a life worthy of imitation.
Part of the Christian life that you model for younger men is a lifetime of discipleship. You need men above you who watch over your soul. You need men beside you who walk with you.
Therapy
Questions, Therapy )know them and address their personal needs and brokennesses).
Thinking, talking
About themselves, God and life. Being in real relationship. Sharing themselves. Knowing themselves so they are capable of sharing.
Walking with God
ask don’t tell, teach to think and walk not repeat. How to talk/think about themselves, God, life in ways that are healthy.
You cannot evaluate the experiences of another – what they saw, heard, felt, what they understood another to be thinking/saying are not yours to validate or invalidate. A person’s experiences are part of their inviolable secret personhood – to be accepted by you as true for them (though not true about the other). Your work in therapy is identifying the truth and lies about identity – who am I, who is God, who is the other – not about experience or activity – what has the other done, how did that make me feel.
All words are weapons. All languaging is manipulation. You can use words to wound others or to bind them. To drive them onto the path you choose. Or you can use them to free and heal. To equip them to make their own choices.
Magic Words
My words aren’t magic. They cannot reach into a younger man’s soul and change him. If I had that power, I’d be too terrified I’d do more harm than good to use it. My guys do not need me to fix where they’re broken. God’s words are powerful, they divide bone and marrow and do not return to Him without accomplishing His good pleasure.29 God speaks in many ways. Sometimes He speaks to my guys through me. Sometimes He calls me to speak and I refuse out of fear. When He commands that I speak and I refuse, I have to deal with the sin, but God will still speak. He fixes where they are broken.
My primary work with my guys is not speaking words of instruction, though that often comes up and I do. My primary work is not to offer advice on life, though that often comes up and I do. My primary work is to invite, encourage and model walking with God. To play my part in building them up to maturity. To show them God. Empower them to encounter Him through the disciplines. Pray for those encounters to be effective.
You do not always need to “have something” for your guys. There need not always be a point or a lesson when you meet. Just hanging out is valuable and worthwhile. Doing life together is mentoring. There are times when God is working, times when conversations need to happen. However, there are also times when words are just going to get in the way, and you need to sit back and enjoy the time while you wait for God to move.30
You cannot tell someone else who they are. You can only walk with them as they discover themselves. There are times when all that should be said is, “That sucks, I’ll be praying for you.”
Theory of Positive Disintegration
Grow beyond our “primary integration” (identity without internal conflict formed by un-examined biological impulses and social conventions) by experiencing disintegration (internal conflict between values). Ultimately leading to a place of re-integration where our values are the product of our own deliberation and choices. The best therapist is yourself, and God. Truth changes you, not your effort, not the teaching of others. Hierarchical values (that recognize “higher” virtues) versus self-interested actions justified by conventional values.
“aid in the ongoing task of self-definition. Whether or not the unitary and enduring self is a fiction, it’s hard to go through life without a sense of what distinguishes you as a person: the features that hold you together and track you over time. This isn’t just a matter of your appearance, habits, talents and tastes, but also, as the philosopher Charles Taylor has argued, of commitment to a set of values: a cluster of convictions about the good, the true and the beautiful, and about how to relate to and order each of those things.” https://thepointmag.com/2019/examined-life/its-not-you-its-me
Transparency and Privacy
secrecy/privacy as essential for personhood.
Matthew 28:19↩︎
Romans 10:9-10↩︎
Ephesians 4:13↩︎
Acts 22:3↩︎
Galatians 1:12↩︎
Galatians 2:9, 11ff↩︎
Exodus 18:5ff, esp. v. 8, 16, 19↩︎
Exodus 4:14ff↩︎
Numbers 11:28, Exodus 33:11, Exodus 17:9ff, Deuteronomy 31:23↩︎
Most of the following discussion comes from Ray Vander Laan - who can apparently be found now at followtherabbi.com↩︎
hence Matthew 11:29↩︎
Note the significant differences between this typical practice and Jesus’ calling of His disciples.↩︎
see, for example, Matthew 13:10-11.↩︎
Luke 6:40↩︎
Philippians 3:17↩︎
Philippians 4:9↩︎
1 Thessalonians 1:6-7↩︎
1 Corinthians 4:15-17↩︎
1 Corinthians 11:1↩︎
Hebrews 6:12↩︎
Hebrews 13:7↩︎
Matthew 23:8↩︎
see the many passages above where Paul invokes the language of “imitation”.↩︎
2 Timothy 2:2↩︎
Ephesians 4:11ff↩︎
1 Timothy 3:2-4↩︎
Many of the verses noted earlier establish this general call. But I’ll note Matthew 28:19-20 as an explicit general call to discipleship and mentoring.↩︎
Ephesians 4:11-12. Gifts are given to be used to build up the Church. Also, consider whether you need to be called to mentor a specific younger man, as opposed to being called to mentor generally.↩︎
Isaiah 55:11↩︎
Exodus 40:36-38↩︎